Not so good morning (or is it?)

[liamstliam]

Yes, Liam's gonna whine.

You might want to just click forward to xkcd or Two Lumps.

I am feeling really unstable and depressed today. I just want to crawl back into bed and pull the kitties, I mean the covers, up around my shoulders.

I have done some stupid stuff this week, and I have failed to do a number of other things that need to be done.

What's ironic is that I oughta be feeling terrific.

Agni Dentati will almpst certainly finish first or second among teams at the Polar Plunge tomorow, and I should be first or second as well. And evilnicola has passed the $500 mark and with a little push could make it into the top five. Plus,knoggleknot saw first-hand the power of friendship and went from $0 to maybe $150 in a day or two, and gwenlianna had gotten donations from people she doesn't know.

We've got hotel rooms for tonight and both evilnicola and gwenlianna will be up. Yay!

Oh, and it's gonna be in the mid-50s.

If Ifeel guilty enough, maybe I will do the New Year's Day plunge, too.

Anyway, I am just feeling "off my feed" as the horsey set would say. I am not sure if it's isolated or part of some kind of overall trend.

I am trying to focus on the good things, but I am in another of those "complicated" periods in my LIFE, with dozens of boxes still adorning the house (and we are both working hard), holiday traveling coming up and a couple of great job prospects out there, but seemingly not ready to resolve. I am depressed about friends who have died, some of H1N1, and others who are ill and fighting it.

There's a certain sense of mortality at 50. I really need to make a decision now. Play out the string, do all the same things, or throw life curveball and see what else new and exciting I can accomplish in the next 15-20 years.

Thanks for reading.

Liam

Comments

[yasmeanie.livejournal.com]

SMOOCH !!!!!!!

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

life in retrograde

[estela-dufrayse.livejournal.com]

Hi Liam, I think something must be out of alignment this week, several people I know, including me have been "off their feed" this week.
I think what you may need is a date tonight at a good restaurant with good friends and a good night's sleep away from all the boxes. Tomorrow too, will help get your brain back on track. Fresh air and a dip in cold water will shock the system into getting into gear!
Lots of love and hugs!
E

Re: life in retrograde

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a plan.

I know having Leonete up here will boost my mood.

Re: life in retrograde

[evilnicola.livejournal.com]

I love you. You don't know how happy that statement makes me.

Re: life in retrograde

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

It's so true!

[soteltie.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you are having a rough day. Hang in there.
The approaching holidays are often a source of bad juju for me. I've been fighting off a case of the weepies all week, but feeling better today.

>those "complicated" periods in my wife
But I have to say, I loved your typo! (I know how much you love her, so I can laugh at this!)

[emt-hawk.livejournal.com]

I had to go back and re read it. once I got to your post, I had to go back and look for the typo. He'd fixed it already, damn the bad luck.

--H

I just found a holiday recipe that I think you might like (I'm basing this on your stew recipe)

[soteltie.livejournal.com]

http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/recipes/holidays/ronie28099s-linguica-stuffing/

Re: I just found a holiday recipe that I think you might like (I'm basing this on your stew recipe)

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

Looks good.

[emt-hawk.livejournal.com]

Go out and do something new. My mother did that, at age 65, she became a fireman, and went through Fire I and II.

Not "Scene Support Ops", which is how to be a tool-carrier for real firemen. Fire I and II. She climbed to the top of an extendable ladder on a ladder truck, 100' in the air. She gears up and goes into structures with me.

I cannot be prouder.

But you can either keep doing what you're doing, and getting the same results, or try a new approach.

Will I be seeing you at fight practice, then?

--H
[However, all that being said, if it involves me looking at you naked, please reconsider. Too hairy for my tastes. --H]

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

Alas, Hawk, as much as I would like to change in a locker room with you, fighting is not going to happen.

Can you say 7.5 mg of Warfarin daily?

Yeah, I take rat poison every morning.

[emt-hawk.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's a lot of Warfarin. I can empathize with you about that.

I've been a good boy, and they're taking me OFF the plavix I've been eating for the past four years. This makes me very, very happy. I still have to eat an aspirin a day, and I'm hoping that I can cut back on that some, too. However, that's up to the doctors I see. I'm hoping that the aspirin won't cause more bruising, but at least it means I can go back to more aggressive fighting.

At least you can have a beer. I miss those days, so much. Most of what else that comes in a bottle is bad for me, too. Have one for me, when you have a moment. Something like a good, hoppy, bitter, IPA.


--H

[yasmeanie.livejournal.com]

Do you eat bananas? People who are on blood thinners should eat about a half of a banana a day. You don't want to to get potassium via IV. It burns and all they can do is pack your arm in ice. I'm not speaking from personal experience but from someone I assisted with.

[albreda.livejournal.com]

Well, who you are at 50 is a pretty darned terrific guy; just look at your loving wife, daughters, and friendslist if you doubt me.

I had a massive brain infection ten years ago that did the same 'mortality check' for me - some things I can't do anymore, but I certainly have my priorities in line better now. It might sound morbid, but have you ever tried writing your dream obituary? I found that knowing what I most wanted that brief summary to say helped me pare out the chaff from my life, and get down to focusing on what was really important. Ergo, my three beautiful children. :)

Self-reflection is a good thing. Enjoy the cold water tomorrow. :)

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

I feel guilty. The air temps will be in the mid-50s.

But the evening temperatures have been below freezing, so maybe the lake will be cold.

[albreda.livejournal.com]

A) The water will be cold enough
B) You pledged to go in the water even if it was ice. Saying you feel guilty is like saying someone isn't a real Vet if they didn't get shot at.

[deafelis.livejournal.com]

b) Knowing the truth doesn't erase the feelings. :/ (I am a vet who did her time and got out without getting shot at.)

That said, I agree that choosing to plunge into icy water and getting to plunge into only cold water isn't a bad thing. And it's not like you don't do this every year, Liam. :) One warm year won't kill ya. ;)

[albreda.livejournal.com]

Fair enough.

Thank you for your service, Deafelis, and thank you for yours too, Liam - different, to be sure, but both good and valiant. :)

[elasait.livejournal.com]

It isn't your fault the weather will be warm, silly man!

[elasait.livejournal.com]

And by the way--*hugs*

You are loved

[make-your-move.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you're having a rough day. I feel you. Check you mailbox.

Re: You are loved

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hun.

Much appreciated.

When does the Prodigal Daughter get home for the holidays?

[derekl1963.livejournal.com]

I can empathize with the 'turning 50' thing... I turned 46 just last week, and with 50 starting to come around the corner I've been looking at where I've been and where I'm going, and have not been very happy with what I see.

And most of it is my own dang fault.

I'm working on change, but it's going to be a steep rocky hill.

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

Did you see I posted a quick version of the Portagee Stew Beef recipe yesterday?

[derekl1963.livejournal.com]

Yep, I did. Meant to drop a thank you but spaced it... mea culpa.

[dreda.livejournal.com]

It's a liminal season - it's not just you. The earth prepares for sleep, and because of our big brains, we just keep right on charging along, and wondering why it's so hard.

Nothing profound - but I still think you rock and roll.

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

I can haz hibernation nao plz?

[dreda.livejournal.com]

Precisely. Blanket forts - they're not just an architectural curiosity.

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

This is scary. We are getting paid and batting witticisms at each other.

What a great life.

[dreda.livejournal.com]

And on the side, I am memorizing Welsh lyrics my beloved wrote. ;) Later, there will be whisky. Yay!

[deafelis.livejournal.com]

Me, too. But soon I will have productivity, and will feel better. :) I hope the same goes for you. :)

[tashabear.livejournal.com]

If Wolfie is one of the ones you're worried about, stop. He's doing great. He's not entirely out of the woods, but he's out of the deepest part. He wouldn't like it if thinking about him was making you sad, so think about how awesome he is and how much you're looking forward to saying hi when next you see him, and I'll tell him you said "getcher ass up, there's fun to be had!"

[liamstliam.livejournal.com]

I will try, Tasha.

I am not wired that way, but I will try.

One of the good things, by the way, has been watching you be so upbeat and get through this that way.

[tashabear.livejournal.com]

I promised to always have his back when we married. He gave me a sword for that very purpose. There's nothing to hack up, so force of will must serve, and I refuse to be all doom and gloom. I find it very tiring, and there's no reason. He's still alive, so how can I not celebrate?

[beckishadow.livejournal.com]

VERY glad to hear that, by the way. Here's to a full recovery.

[fencerm2.livejournal.com]

Wow. You say you are having a bad day, and just LOOK at all the supportive responses you get?

You're Liam. You are the go-to guy for not just the SCA, but sooooooo very many people. Yeah, we all have rough days - but you know you have tons of people you can turn to.

I have no doubt you will find an answer. Or find someone to help find the answer. OR it'll fall in your lap. :-)

[murasakinoyoroi.livejournal.com]

One of the good and bad things about life is that something will happen eventually. It sounds like your current something isn't treating you very well, but just try your best to wait it out. I'll be hoping that your next something will be much better.

Also, everyone does screws up sometimes-that doesn't even remotely mean that you -are- a screw up, though. You do really well the vast majority of the time, and the fact that you know you've screwed up occasionally shows without a doubt that you are a cause worth fighting for.

In the mean time, here is some cute to go with your kittens:
http://cuteoverload.com/

[beckishadow.livejournal.com]

Look at it this way: You get all of your stupid out of the way all at once. Most of us get stuck with it popping up at random times, just when we least need it.

[kellan_the_tabby]

*hugs you many lots*

I love you, man.

[desyana.livejournal.com]

It has been a time of roller coaster rides for so many people I know, this past week particularly so.

I have no sage words for you, I am looking for some for myself right now..:>
But yes, take a plunge, let it clear you ... remember today's 50 is a nothing age, it does not define you as it used to .. go forward and do what your heart leads you to, you will do well.

[ladymorgaine.livejournal.com]

(((hugs Liam tight)))

[hfcougar.livejournal.com]

Whine all you want. You've certainly picked me up enough times.

I totally get the feeling and the uncertainty about life and the future. Everyone does stupid things. Living surrounded by boxes can't help. It will all pass. Look forward to that high when you jump in the lake tomorrow.

Remember how many people love you.

[irisira03.livejournal.com]

Anyway, I am just feeling "off my feed" as the horsey set would say.

UGH. I know exactly what you mean.

It often depends on a lot of things - sometimes it is isolated, but sometimes it's because there is something fundamental that is very wrong, and it often isn't apparent in what is making you sad right now.

One time it happened to me, it was where I was going to college and (to a lesser extent) what I was studying. I didn't transfer, (in hindsight) against my better judgment, but I did change my major (though, not soon enough). Another time it was my (now ex) boyfriend. Based on the parentheses, you can guess that outcome.

I've also dealt with the isolated bursts, too.

In other words, I sympathize.